From afar, I can see he is bringing flowers to apologise. “Hi”, timid sparkling eyes display all that glitters in his boy heart. Our breath quickens in the inflamed air, longing for a cooler future gasp between us. Setting up boundaries is hard for me, notably when it comes to love. There is this strange mixture between necessities and values, and he knows how to conquer all. The room gets darker as the sun moves to the right side of our horizon. He is motionless, his feet rooted to the floor, beautiful and guilty in front of me. I kindly blink, sighing my frustration away. Time stood still between us. As I look into his eyes, I find all the stars and planets in the Universe, flickering amid our short and adequate distance.

Hard is to translate emotions into words, especially when feelings race in a loop, bringing the body to a shaky impasse situation. Confidence runs low but a little humble smile breaks my stubbornness. Your shoulders relax and drop in relief, allowing your eyes to roll in penitence. The room swings, seasick unable to speak, your words crowd together in the tip of your tongue. I allow myself to ease your nervousness: “I’m not angry. I cannot get mad at someone powerless to express what brews inside. I am the older one and I should know better. I am sorry, I only saw the child in you and I spoke to that child. We all need to learn from our mistakes. Respect is a value almost lost, especially in our community. I am comfortable by your side and don’t want to lose that sensation.”

You step closer and kiss me, softly and celestial. Your eyes talk about adventures we joyfully share, and I immediately understand actions speak louder than words. Sea versus wind generate a tide of confusion and we need to learn to sail together.

 

Stambolsky ©

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